Contrary to the idea of people in vans snatching children off the streets, the most common way trafficking is carried out in the United States is by a ‘grooming’ process. This process is conducted when a predator gets to know a young person and begins to “manipulate their victim and eventually exploit them.” In fact, “85% of trafficking victims report having a close relationship with their trafficker.” This appears to be a widespread tactic because the trafficker carefully develops a trusting and emotional relationship with the unsuspecting victim, making it easier to lure them into being trafficked. It also makes it easier to manipulate the victim once they are under the control of the trafficker. This grooming progresses in stages:
Stage 1 – Get Information and Develop Trust
Firstly, a predator identifies a potential victim and works to gain information and develop trust. This can be done through online conversations or listening to a potential victim to learn more about them. These predators move fast. It has been shown that “42% of victims report that their trafficker earned their trust within 1 month of meeting them.”
Stage 2 – Fill the Need
Secondly, the predator will identify something the victim wants. It could be money, drugs, or alcohol. Sometimes a predator will provide support to a victim that the victim is not getting at home. Other predators start a romance with the victim and “promise them love.” Of course, there is also the well-known lie about getting the victim a job, “often in the music or modeling industries”. This is usually done with the “promise of glamor and excitement” to deepen the connection with their victim.
Stage 3 – Isolate
In this stage, the predator will start to wean their victim away from whatever support system they have, such as their parents and siblings (family), school teams (sports), school activities (choir, etc.), and of course, pry them away from their friends. The predator wants to have control over the victim. They do this by “driving a wedge between the support system and the victim” so that the victim relies on the predator instead of their usual support systems.
Stage 4 – Abuse and Control
Once the predator has isolated the victim from their usual support system, they control and abuse the victim. At this level, the victim will be traumatized, and their brain will go into “survival mode” by focusing on the fundamental survival needs. These would be “food, sleep, and safety” and make escaping “harder and harder.” In addition, the predator would be watching carefully to ensure that the victim does not get a chance to escape. The victim thinks that if they obey orders, they will get food and sleep and the predator will not hurt them.
Warning Signs of Grooming
1. An adult paying special attention to a particular youth and giving them more attention than others.
2. Giving the intended victim gifts and lots of compliments.
3. “Slowly isolating an intended victim from their family and friends,” could be keeping them away from their family and friends or emotionally isolating them.
4. The predator could undermine the victim’s support system by creating a division and getting the victim to think that their family and friends “don’t understand you like I do.”
5. Talking about “an older boyfriend” (or girlfriend) or “new friends” without giving any more information.
6. If a youth is more than usually upset, withdraws, or is distressed.
7. “More sexualized behavior or language” that is not what they have been taught and
is not appropriate for their age.
8. Spending a lot of time away from home or “going missing for periods of time.”
9. Increased time online or being secretive.
10.“A sudden and drastic change in behavior, attitude, and appearance.” This might not mean just grooming, it could also be bullying or other abuse. Regardless, it should be investigated.
What to Do if You Suspect Your Child is Being Groomed.
1. Don’t give your child an ultimatum, like telling them they can’t talk to the person you suspect or taking their phone away. The predator will just give your child another one and tell them you don’t have to know about it.
2. Be very trustworthy, you don’t know what the predator has said about you. Let your child tell you about the predator and don’t make any judgments. Make sure your actions follow your words.
3. Focus on the predator’s behavior, don’t “speak badly” of them. If your child feels they are “in love” with the predator, anything negative you say could widen the distance between you and your child. If you “focus on the behavior itself” you will have a better conversation.
4. Grooming is not a crime until abuse occurs. If you think it has already happened report it to the police immediately.
5. There is a further support group, the National Human Trafficking Hotline (888. 373.7888) where you can be connected to local sources of help.
Sources:
National Human Trafficking Hotline (888. 373.7888)
Survivor Insights – Thorn (2018, January). Survivor Insights: The Role of Technology in Domestic Minor Sex Trafficking [PDF].
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